4AM, and not the Matchbox 20 kind
listening to: Mugison, little things (i think that's what it's called, I left the case upstairs)
You know... I wonder sometimes about my life. I'm 26 and I live with my parents for no real good reason other than it's free and I spend money on useless shit. I'm overweight (although people argue with me on it) and I'm a music snob. I have a good job that I enjoy even though I am doing stuff that was never asked of me and not really getting rewarded for it. to be fair, I don't do some of the stuff I'm supposed to be doing :-P but still I'm empty.
I played a show a while back.. and it gave me life. it gave me hope. people acctualy liked what I was playing. which I couldn't understand. then again.. I like the smashing pumpkins and some people hold that over me. now, it's obvious to me that I have to keep playing shows.. but yet I put it off. I look at my guitars as if they are some strange key to a room that I don't want to enter but I know I have to...
it's about risk I guess. not ready to take it.
as I sit here at 4 in the morning when I should be sleeping (stupid cat keeps snoring) I wonder... well, that's it. I wonder. i think and think about nothing at all. no focus. maybe I have ADD, or maybe I'm to smart for my own good (ha).
most importantly. in a long long time, life has seemed bleak and pointless. recently... I've felt hope. maybe I hit rock bottom and the only way left to go is up.
good thing really. it smelled pretty funky at rock bottom.
You know... I wonder sometimes about my life. I'm 26 and I live with my parents for no real good reason other than it's free and I spend money on useless shit. I'm overweight (although people argue with me on it) and I'm a music snob. I have a good job that I enjoy even though I am doing stuff that was never asked of me and not really getting rewarded for it. to be fair, I don't do some of the stuff I'm supposed to be doing :-P but still I'm empty.
I played a show a while back.. and it gave me life. it gave me hope. people acctualy liked what I was playing. which I couldn't understand. then again.. I like the smashing pumpkins and some people hold that over me. now, it's obvious to me that I have to keep playing shows.. but yet I put it off. I look at my guitars as if they are some strange key to a room that I don't want to enter but I know I have to...
it's about risk I guess. not ready to take it.
as I sit here at 4 in the morning when I should be sleeping (stupid cat keeps snoring) I wonder... well, that's it. I wonder. i think and think about nothing at all. no focus. maybe I have ADD, or maybe I'm to smart for my own good (ha).
most importantly. in a long long time, life has seemed bleak and pointless. recently... I've felt hope. maybe I hit rock bottom and the only way left to go is up.
good thing really. it smelled pretty funky at rock bottom.
posted by fuzzy at 04:01
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