4AM, and not the Matchbox 20 kind
listening to: Mugison, little things (i think that's what it's called, I left the case upstairs)
You know... I wonder sometimes about my life. I'm 26 and I live with my parents for no real good reason other than it's free and I spend money on useless shit. I'm overweight (although people argue with me on it) and I'm a music snob. I have a good job that I enjoy even though I am doing stuff that was never asked of me and not really getting rewarded for it. to be fair, I don't do some of the stuff I'm supposed to be doing :-P but still I'm empty.
I played a show a while back.. and it gave me life. it gave me hope. people acctualy liked what I was playing. which I couldn't understand. then again.. I like the smashing pumpkins and some people hold that over me. now, it's obvious to me that I have to keep playing shows.. but yet I put it off. I look at my guitars as if they are some strange key to a room that I don't want to enter but I know I have to...
it's about risk I guess. not ready to take it.
as I sit here at 4 in the morning when I should be sleeping (stupid cat keeps snoring) I wonder... well, that's it. I wonder. i think and think about nothing at all. no focus. maybe I have ADD, or maybe I'm to smart for my own good (ha).
most importantly. in a long long time, life has seemed bleak and pointless. recently... I've felt hope. maybe I hit rock bottom and the only way left to go is up.
good thing really. it smelled pretty funky at rock bottom.
You know... I wonder sometimes about my life. I'm 26 and I live with my parents for no real good reason other than it's free and I spend money on useless shit. I'm overweight (although people argue with me on it) and I'm a music snob. I have a good job that I enjoy even though I am doing stuff that was never asked of me and not really getting rewarded for it. to be fair, I don't do some of the stuff I'm supposed to be doing :-P but still I'm empty.
I played a show a while back.. and it gave me life. it gave me hope. people acctualy liked what I was playing. which I couldn't understand. then again.. I like the smashing pumpkins and some people hold that over me. now, it's obvious to me that I have to keep playing shows.. but yet I put it off. I look at my guitars as if they are some strange key to a room that I don't want to enter but I know I have to...
it's about risk I guess. not ready to take it.
as I sit here at 4 in the morning when I should be sleeping (stupid cat keeps snoring) I wonder... well, that's it. I wonder. i think and think about nothing at all. no focus. maybe I have ADD, or maybe I'm to smart for my own good (ha).
most importantly. in a long long time, life has seemed bleak and pointless. recently... I've felt hope. maybe I hit rock bottom and the only way left to go is up.
good thing really. it smelled pretty funky at rock bottom.
posted by fuzzy at 04:01
1 Comments:
I am not even sure why I am leaving a comment here because it seems as though you have given up on this blog. I stumbled across this for a reason I think. Really I was just looking around to see what was expected from this kind of thing as I'm thinking of baring it all myself.
Did it frighten you to reveal so much of yourself? Were you not "ready to take the risk" Too bad really. I'd like to hear more. I'd like to know that you played another show. I'd like to know that you resolved things with Chris and found someone who will love you with all her heart. We all deserve to be happy. We all deserve love and praise and success. I feel the same sometimes, that maybe I don't deserve it, but then I think why not? I'm no better or worse than anyone else.
Well, If you ever decide to start again, I'll be around.
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