many appologies for many things
listening to: Cicatriz ESP - the mars volta
I'm sorry.
firstly, I'm sorry to you, the person who acctualy reads this. it may or may not make sense, for that I say sorry because it's confusing. I am not, however, sorry for the content.
I'm sorry to Joel. we said we would keep these up to date.. well, you kicked my ass
I'm sorry to ashley, I can't control myself around you. I don't knwo why. it's a disaster. you make me week and feeble. you make me turn into the horrible human being that I never want to be.
I'm sorry to daytona who acctualy cared about what I had to write in here. that was the reason I started this. to see if anyone cared. when I saw someone that did... I ran. afraid that she might find some secret that I wanted to stay hidden.
I'm sorry to chris, for so many things. my procrastination, my inability to make you happy, my inability to to understand what you are going through. and my inability to stop holding you in my heart.
I'm sorry to Kaitlin. well, no so much sorry to kaitlin, sorry cause I can't do anything to help her.
I'm sorry to anyone I every tired to pretend I was more than I am to. you didn't deserve to be missled. thankfully I'm a terrible liar and noone acctualy fell for it.
I'm sorry to Steve. the depth of my respect for you compaired to puddle that is my self respect will never allow us to work together. at least, it will never allow me to fully open my ears and fingers.
I'm sorry for myslef. in case you couldn't tell. I'm sorry that I didn't have the courage to put my life out there for anyone to judge.
now, with all that taken care of... I'm giveing you my mind, my heart, my soul. and this time I'm doing it with no appologies. I'm going to continue to wallow. I'm going to continue to force myself to suffer... why? well, for some reason, praise and happiness terrify me. I feel like I don't deserve them. but I refuse to go numb. If I MUST feel, the I will feel with the throbing pulsating ulcer in my stomach. I will feel with the slowly decelerating pulse in my ears....
I'm sorry.
firstly, I'm sorry to you, the person who acctualy reads this. it may or may not make sense, for that I say sorry because it's confusing. I am not, however, sorry for the content.
I'm sorry to Joel. we said we would keep these up to date.. well, you kicked my ass
I'm sorry to ashley, I can't control myself around you. I don't knwo why. it's a disaster. you make me week and feeble. you make me turn into the horrible human being that I never want to be.
I'm sorry to daytona who acctualy cared about what I had to write in here. that was the reason I started this. to see if anyone cared. when I saw someone that did... I ran. afraid that she might find some secret that I wanted to stay hidden.
I'm sorry to chris, for so many things. my procrastination, my inability to make you happy, my inability to to understand what you are going through. and my inability to stop holding you in my heart.
I'm sorry to Kaitlin. well, no so much sorry to kaitlin, sorry cause I can't do anything to help her.
I'm sorry to anyone I every tired to pretend I was more than I am to. you didn't deserve to be missled. thankfully I'm a terrible liar and noone acctualy fell for it.
I'm sorry to Steve. the depth of my respect for you compaired to puddle that is my self respect will never allow us to work together. at least, it will never allow me to fully open my ears and fingers.
I'm sorry for myslef. in case you couldn't tell. I'm sorry that I didn't have the courage to put my life out there for anyone to judge.
now, with all that taken care of... I'm giveing you my mind, my heart, my soul. and this time I'm doing it with no appologies. I'm going to continue to wallow. I'm going to continue to force myself to suffer... why? well, for some reason, praise and happiness terrify me. I feel like I don't deserve them. but I refuse to go numb. If I MUST feel, the I will feel with the throbing pulsating ulcer in my stomach. I will feel with the slowly decelerating pulse in my ears....
posted by fuzzy at 00:03
2 Comments:
no fault can be found in the experience of experience, save in him whose gaze turns outwards in judgement, and not inwards in contemplation. Let he who cannot feel be blinded by the light, and may he who knows not the path find one day that it is but a direction. And when every emotion and thought is laid bare, without expectation or presumption, there we will find the truth, and with it our own happiness.
i miss you.
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