whimper and cry

listening to:nothing, cause it's late and i'm drunk

I was jsut at the wedding of one of my best frineds. and they are so in love with each other. I have forced myself to think that I don't not need that love anyomre. that I can love myself enough for my self...

apperently I was wrong.

I talked to chris and well.. what the fuck happened. I honestly don't know why I bother anymoer. everytime I talk to her, I feel so comfortable... but with the wedding... and the love that surrounded me all night... fuck, to be honest I was thinking of her all night and how she shoudl have been in the white dress and the toast's shoudl have been to me instead of me giving them... you know.

and then... when I call... like an old pair of pants that everyone tells you they have to go cause they don't fit. but you refuse. You try to squeze your body into them. make it fit. but they don't. and nomatter how far you run everyday you will never fit into them again. ever.

things change.

don they ever change back... I wonder

sorry if my spelling or grammer are off... I'm drunk.